Dear People on the Fringes of my Life

Dear Mail Carrier,

I appreciate your delivering of my mail every day (except Sundays and Holidays and while we are on the subject why do I have to work Presidents Day and MLK day when you do not?). And I also appreciate the fact that it is possible that some folks do not keep the area surrounding their mailbox in good shape. However, my mailbox is unblocked and there is nothing keeping you from pulling right up next to it. So, would it be possible that you not hurl my mail in such a way that it is thrust all the way to the far back of the mailbox? I drive a tiny Chevy Malibu and even though I have very long limbs, it is nearly impossible for me to reach the mail from my vehicle unless I hang halfway out the window and even then one piece of mail inevitably falls out of the stack and onto the ground where the wind picks it up and carries it halfway across the neighborhood. Thanks.

Dear Parent of other teenager in the Neighborhood,

When our kids have a verbal conflict, could you please pick up the phone and call me first to discuss before you call the State Police? I promise you that 99.9% of the time we will resolve the conflict on our own. I really don’t appreciate having a 7 foot tall police officer ringing my doorbell during dinner. Thanks.

Dear 4th grade Teacher,

I got your e-mail with the link to the United States 50 States quiz and I took it myself to see if I am smarter than a 4th grader. It turns out that I am not as I made silly mistakes like mixing up Arizona and New Mexico. I also could not remember where Iowa, New Hampshire, Connecticut and Massachusetts were (and I could not spell Massachusetts if my life depended on it). I promise you that I will keep studying and so will my 4th grader. We are a family eager to learn. Thanks.


Yours Truly,

Melanie

PS if any of you want to try out your United States States skills, click here.

Orlando didn't make the top 10?

Oh happy day. The sun is finally shining. My coffee even tasted better this morning and I find myself asking why anyone lives anywhere where the sun does not shine on a regular basis. This prompted me to Google the sunniest cities in the US. It turns out there are several websites that list this information, but none of them have the same list. However, there are a couple of cities that show up on all the lists and they are Phoenix, AZ; Las Vegas, NV; Yuma, AZ; and El Paso, TX.

So, I am checking out real estate in those cities. I am also throwing in Denver, CO just because I want to and because I travelled there on business several years ago and have been infatuated with the city ever since. Something about looking out the window and seeing a mountain made me pee my pants with pleasure and I have never been able to get the image out of my head.

I dream of just picking up and relocating. More than you know. However, the biggest things holding me back from that are that I married a man with kids whose mother, while basically uninterested in the daily events of her children’s lives, their physical well-being, or their financial well being (other than to buy them things that get her “points” such as cell phones, concert tickets and drum sets), would never consent to allowing us to take them out of the state, and our house is worth way less than we paid/owe on it. So in Michigan we stay. For now at least.

In other news, I would like to report publicly that after a 2ish year hiatus from yoga, I believe the time has come for me to return to the practice. I feel like my life has fallen out of balance. I am worrying too much about things over which I have no control. I am using sleeping pills too many nights. I am grumpy too many days. I don’t feel like I am growing spiritually and in fact, may have actually regressed. I spend money foolishly. And I am just not exercising enough. Blah, blah, blah. Less talk more action and that is all I am saying about that.

It is going to be beautiful in Michigan this weekend and I am looking forward to it. It has rained incessantly over the past three weekends so we are more than due for this. Wherever you are, I hope you also enjoy your weekend!

Roll on Four Wheeled Malibu

This is likely to be an aimless post, so I apologize in advance.

Tuesday I had a meeting in Columbus. That would be in Ohio. I live in Michigan (just in case that was not clear). I was not feeling up to the hotel stay this time so I had the very bright and ambitious idea that I would get up really early and drive to Columbus, attend the meeting and then drive home. Thus my trip did not require me to pack my make-up, my blow-dryer, my very expensive and prone to wrinkling business attire, two pairs of dress shoes, 6 pairs of underwear (because that is how many I take for one night), pajamas, two pairs of socks, my running shoes, my ipod, and the charger for my cell phone, my ipod, my gps and my vibrator.

I’m kidding about the vibrator. I was seeing if you are paying attention. My vibrator does not have a charger. It takes batteries.

Back to the meeting in Columbus. I got up at 3:30. Well, wait, lets back up. I woke up at 2 with a splitting headache, got up took some Advil, went back to sleep and then got up again at 3:30 and left my house at 4:20. The drive to Columbus is about 3 ½ hours, but with rush hour traffic in Columbus, it took me about 4. I was actually pretty impressed with myself as I was able to drink my entire travel mug of coffee and I never had to stop and pee.

So, I got there about 8. Did I mention it was pouring rain almost the entire drive? The meeting was from 9-4. I left Columbus at 4:20 and drove the 3 ½ hours home putting me home about 8:30 (I had to stop to grab some dinner, I was starving). I did pretty well with the help of a book on CD that I purchased at Barnes and Noble the day before and which I have only made it about halfway through but which I am enjoying immensely. The book is Eat, Pray, Love. I only made it to the beginning of Pray.

Yesterday I felt like I had been run over by a truck. Apparently I am not cut out for 17 hour days where I am sitting stationary for 95% of it. Or maybe just 17 hours days in general? I don’t know, but yesterday sucked. I was so cranky and I wanted to beat some ones ass. My husband and my step-son both got to be the lucky recipients of a verbal beating (not that maybe they did not deserve it, but usually I am more diplomatic).

Anyway, today it is back in the saddle. I wanted to post something profound, maybe some poetry which has been parading through my head the past couple days but which always manages to escape when I sit down to type it out.

Oh this oppressive rain. It won’t stop and I miss the sun. It is May 13 for crikey’s sake, shouldn’t the April showers have moved on their way by now? I have some really cute sandals that are begging to be worn.

In other news, Saturday will mark the 8 year anniversary of employment with my current company. My professional life is officially stagnant.

But I do get 3 weeks of vacation.

I had an incident at work today with some donuts. You see, they (the donuts) called my desk from the kitchen and told me that if I did not get in there and eat them ASAP, then there would be dire consequences. Well, I didn’t want anyone to get hurt so I immediately went in there and ate the donuts. Then I was so hopped up on the sugar that I came back to my desk and promptly dumped iced tea all over my keyboard. And then my computer freaked out and opened about 47 internet pages and I could not do a ctrl/alt/delete because my keyboard wouldn’t work (because of the iced tea I think) and I had to instead shut the computer down by holding down the power button.

All this because I had to eat a donut. I’m racked by guilt and remorse. You have to understand that I have not been eating much sugar the past few months (ya know since that bitch the Wii fit told me that I am 713lbs over weight) and even before that I really didn’t eat donuts. I don’t know what came over me today, but I am wracked with guilt.

(And this post is getting posted 3 hours after I started typing it because I had to go track down a new keyboard so mine can hopefully spend the weekend drying out and then will work again on Monday. Hopefully. Because this keyboard I am typing on now is not the fancy smancy split keyboard like I have and I can’t get used to a new keyboard all over again!)

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

In lieu of a margarita, I am, at this moment, enjoying my very first iced latte of the year. It’s getting that warm outside. Yay. And I am wearing open toed shoes and white pants.

Now if only I could somehow work in some palm trees, a 5 star resort and a pristine and sparkling swimming pool……

**Warning** if you have never seen the Lion King, this post contains spoilers. And, go watch it. Please.

Next time I go on a crazy rant like that, would someone please remind me how wine makes things so much better?!

I'm halfway through a bottle of merlot right now and it is making me h-a-p-p-y.

Becca is watching The Lion King right now. We were supposed to be watching The Princess and the Frog, but when we put it in to play, we discovered that the disc was cracked. So back to Netflix it is going, but I had to quickly offer up a different Disney movie. I wanted The Little Mermaid, but she picked The Lion King. I can live with that.

She's cute. She started crying when Mufasa died.

I don't know how you feel about Disney movies, but I myself am partial to what I refer to as the best four Disney movies ever made, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King and Aladdin. Oh yes.

Wow, this wine is really making me happy.

Simba just took his rightful place as King after killing the evil Scar. **Sigh**

Okay, I also wanted to mention that I do listen to Drew and Mike and I was so glad when Drew came back, however, sometimes when they really start talking about boobs or Butt Mike shows up or they are on commercial, I do flip over to Fox News.

Friday morning rant

Please allow me to rant this morning. It is Friday and has been a long week and I spend too much time in the car listening to talk radio and am stressed out on the verge of major decisions in my life. And I haven’t slept enough.

Here are the things that have me ranting this morning.

#1 I read an article this morning about how the state of Michigan is going to have to cancel 100 road projects originally slated for 2011 because they are experiencing a shortfall of $84 million dollars in their budget. Really? Could it be because half the state is unemployed and people are leaving the state in droves and the city of Detroit is a shadow of its once booming self? Is it me or when your income is reduced, you should also reduce your spending? It seems obvious to me that the state would have to cut some spending somewhere to make up for the loss of revenue. Not rocket science. It just seems like everything I turn around I am reading about another local government that is bankrupt or on the verge of it. The state of California, the city of Detroit. Come on, how hard is this concept? Less money coming in, less money going out.

#2 President Obama said in a speech this week that at some point some people have made “enough money.” Can someone tell me how much is enough money? Because I’ve got to tell you, I don’t think I will ever have enough money. I understand that some people have more money than I could even ever imagine, but oh fucking well. Maybe Michigan should confiscate some of that money to pay for the $84 million shortfall in their road construction budget. That would be the fairest thing to do, I mean you should see some of the houses around here. They’re huge and the people living in them are obviously gluttons and have more money than they know what to do with.

#3 Right now, there is a case going on in the county I live in where a 4 year old boy was beaten to death over the course of 4 days by his mother’s live-in boyfriend as a punishment for wetting his pants while sitting on the couch. It turns out that not only had the mother come and gone from the apartment over the course of the beatings, but several other people had as well and while a couple of them mentioned that she should take the boy to the hospital, none of them called the police or 911 or anything (including the mother). It makes me ill. Both the boyfriend and the mother are being charged with murder, but the defense attorney for the guy is running around saying that he (the pos boyfriend) is actually a schizophrenic and that the county knew about it and that they didn’t do anything to help. And now the attorney for the mother is asking for her to have a psych evaluation (to see if she is fit to stand trial). Both of these individuals have multiple drug convictions in their past and apparently one of the reasons that the mother didn’t want to take the boy to the hospital is because she didn’t want her parole officer to find out that she had moved. So my rant about this is that obviously both people are some sort of mentally disturbed, but the bottom line is that he barbarically beat a little boy to death (just to horrify you further, he burned the boys hands and feet, kicked him in the abdomen and head and poked his eyes and I’m guessing there is more detail that hasn’t been released yet) and the mother out of whatever sort of fucked up self-absorption or apathy or drug haze stood by and did nothing about it. So, let’s stop this crap with the “why oh why did these people do this?” and get on with their trial. Quite frankly, I don’t really care if they are both crazy as loons, they killed a little boy. Put them away and throw away the key and be done with it.

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Kids and work haikus (harder than you think)

Made kids wash dishes
They are whining about it
Have no sympathy

Sitting at my desk
My oatmeal tastes like soap
I’ll eat it anyway

Long drive in today
Feel like I live in my car
Lottery ticket?

I have a meeting
The 17th one this week
Such a waste of time

Hormones aren't a girls best friend

This weekend two events happened to coincide. #1, The weather was dreary beyond belief, all weekend. The sun never made an appearance and it was kind of cold and it rained several times. And #2, I was suffering from PMS. Therefore, in general, I was cranky and irritable and mostly wanted to lay on the couch watching movies like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory the Gene Wilder version, not the lame Tim Burton/Johnny Depp monstrosity and Where the Heart is which is the fabulous story where a young pregnant Natalie Portman lives in the local Wal-Mart until she gives birth, and Somewhere in Time because we are going to be going to the Grand Hotel and I need to watch it every time before we go, and also it is a wonderful chick flick that I can get my husband to watch because it involves time travel.

I only got to watch Willy Wonka. There were a couple reasons for this, one being that it had come to my attention that my husband had never seen Fight Club and Netflix delivered, so I had to acquiesce and watch that.

Some social obligations (baby shower and man-b-que) kept us from just staying in all weekend. Also, 14 almost 15 year old boy stayed home again this weekend (I actually cannot remember the last time he went to his mom’s for the weekend). I can’t bring myself to tell him he has to go, but if there was ever a weekend I should have done that, it was this one. He is not a bad kid, but he is 14 almost 15 and he is COOL. Being COOL manifests itself in a variety of ways, the most common involve making comments that are funny to the 14 almost 15 year old but no one else, having aforementioned comment for everything which sound strangely like back talking and playing drums on everything that is stationary. Combine the teenage coolness with my PMS and you have a recipe for “demonstrate to your 14 almost 15 year old that you wrote the book on sarcasm and that if he wants to spar, you most certainly are going to win.”

By the time we started winding down last night, I was feeling tired and blue and dreading coming to work this morning. I started questioning every decision that I have ever made and feeling like nothing in my life is good. Of course, I can step outside of myself enough to know that this is the hormones talking and that in a day or two (or a minute or two!) I will feel better. But I have to ask why this happens. Does anyone else think that hormonal mood swings and PMS seem to be a design flaw of women?

What!? I'm a Secretary?

Today is Administrative Professional Day. I realized this last night about 6:30 which required an emergency trip to Bath and Body Works to get gifts for my two assistants and Dave’s assistant. I don’t really like Bath and Body Works, but in the town I live in, there aren’t a lot of options at 7:30 on a weeknight that doesn’t require driving 25 minutes. I would rather have gotten gift certificates for a swanky restaurant or an upscale store at the mall, but I did manage to scrape together some decent gifts from the old BBW.

(Sidenote: My senior year of college, I worked at the Bath and Body Works in the Mounds Mall. On my breaks, I used to eat the hell out of the pepperoni breadsticks at Luca Pizza along with a giant cherry coke and I wonder why I was fat in college.)

So I got the gifts and was dismayed to discover that the only Hallmark store in town has gone belly up and was boarded up. So I had to run to Kohl’s to find gift bags to wrap the decent gifts I managed to scrape up from the BBW. I was happy to discover that Kohl’s entire gift bag stock has been marked down 50%, but worried that means they won’t be carrying gift wrap anymore. Where the frick am I going to buy wrapping paper now? Might this require me to actually plan ahead when gift giving? That might be a problem for me.

All the running around for Administrative Professionals Day caused an involuntary trip down memory lane. Please come with me to a time approximately 12 years ago. I had graduated from college with a Bachelor’s degree in English and a minor in writing. I was aimless and unfocused and had no idea what sort of career I should pursue or even what I wanted. I was 22 years old and after some long painful months of unemployment, I landed a job at USA TODAY. Now you would think based on my degree that I would be doing some sort of writing or something that anything to do with that, but no. No, I my position was titled “Customer Service Associate” or “Customer Service Coordinator” or something like that. I was taking phone calls from home delivery customers who had complaints about their service along with a sundry of other office related tasks. It wasn’t exactly my dream job, but since I wasn’t really quite sure what my dream job was, I went with it.

12 years ago Administrative Professionals Day was known by a different name. You might remember it. It was called Secretary’s Day. Okay, to recap, it is 12 years ago. I am working at USA TODAY. I have a degree but no direction. I started there in March and it is now April. 12 years ago. I am about 22 years old. I don’t like my job and am dealing with the letdown of clawing my way through 4 years of college only to find that I feel even more aimless than when I started only now I am $15,000 in debt with student loans and I making about $11/hr. Oh and I was driving a purple Ford Escort (a color I did not pick out but that is another story). It is Secretary’s Day and I come to work to find that I have been given flowers. Because I am a secretary. I didn’t know I was a secretary until that day and I called my mom blubbering. Oh my God, if I could travel back in time and slap that little girl upside the head. I would have told her to quit that fucking job and go find something that she loved to do and do it. I also would have told her to stay away from that guy (you know what guy I’m talking about).

That was not a good day. And now you know way too much about me.

Cleanliness is next to what?

We got home from vacation last Thursday and I am ashamed to admit that both of our suitcases are sitting on the bed in the spare bedroom open with clothes half unpacked and strewn about the room. I find that the spare bed has become more of another place for me to stash overflow clothes rather than a place for guests to sleep and in fact, the only time the bed gets cleared off is approximately one hour before we have a guest over.

I have a. lot. of. clothes. It is ridiculous. Plus it is that time of year when I need to put the winter clothes away and get the rest of the summer stuff out. If I try to keep everything out all year, there isn’t enough room in my closet and bedroom furniture for everything. There is also an enormous amount of clutter in my nightstand drawers (books I read over a year ago, pictures, magazines, etc….), which if cleared, could provide an extra amount of space. But do you think I have jumped on that bandwagon yet? No, of course not. Because every night when I drag my sorry self home from this shit hole I call an office, the last thing I want to do is start organizing and trying to make the decision as to what I should get rid of. Maybe I need to watch an episode of Hoarders to inspire me.

The other problem (I am full of excuses) is that I made a very very poor purchase of bedroom furniture when I was about 22. After I got out of college and moved back home to my parents house (not the best decision I ever made) I found myself unable to tolerate my childhood bedroom set which happened to be off-white with shiny brass trim that I once found beautiful and irresistible. So I got the bright idea that I would purchase a nice new bedroom set which I purchased interest free from a local furniture store and also happened to be solid oak and to call it huge would be an understatement. It was the floor model set so I got a really good deal and it included a headboard, footboard, dresser with tri-fold mirror, a nightstand and the biggest chest of drawers you have ever seen. It is three drawers across and about 7 or 8 rows high and it holds a lot of shit.

The problem is that, with the exception of the bedroom at my parents house, I have never been able to fit the damn thing in any bedroom. It wouldn’t fit at my condo and when we bought our house, it sure wouldn’t fit in our bedroom. I hate it and I want to take a chainsaw and hack it up into little pieces and burn them one by one. It sat in my parent’s garage for years until, when we were moving into our current house, my dad seized the opportunity to force me to take delivery of it. Did I mention that it does fit in Sam’s room? Since he has no real bedroom set and only a twin bed, we were able to wedge it in there and now he has lots of space to store all his clothes and other little odds and ends. Did I mention the thing is solid oak and weighs about 700 lbs (that might be a slight exaggeration, but it is f'ing heavy!) even with the drawers all pulled out of it?

I tried to sell the whole set a few years ago and Sam had a fit. Apparently he has bonded with the damn thing and now he refuses to part with it. So that leaves me a piece short in my bedroom and since I have to split the drawers in the dresser with Dave, I have a lot of overflow when it comes to clothes storage. Since I am avoidant when it comes to difficult decisions (like getting rid of clothes), I tend to just pile things up in the spare bedroom and shut the door.

Okay, I’m getting depressed typing this. I had repressed the trauma of the giant dresser and actually was not thinking of it when I started this post. I thought I had made peace with the situation, but it turns out I haven’t. It’s a catch-22. If I don’t sell the existing set, I can’t afford to buy a new set. My husband doesn’t care if our room is an unfinished hodge podge and every time I bring up buying a new set, he poo-poos it.

I wonder if he’ll will show me how to use the chainsaw this weekend……

10,000 years can give you such a crick in the neck!

I snoozed for an hour and a half this morning. I think it goes without saying that I am having a hard time getting back on schedule from our vacation. All I can think about is sleep. I can’t get enough caffeine in my system and I had to go reload my Starbucks card. $4.08 triple grande lattes will eat up your balance so quick and they are only good for a half a day’s energy. Does anyone else notice that their pee smells like coffee after drinking Starbucks coffee or any strong coffee for that matter? Oh no? No one else? Well, me either. I just made that up ;)

In other news, B-girl has been at her mom’s house this week (spring break) so it was been pretty quiet around our house. Sam is still there, but he is a lot less in your face than Becca.

I booked the Grand Hotel vacation I was talking about previously and I am so excited! I can’t wait to tell Becca when she gets home. She is going to be so excited. As you can see, I am doing everything I can to pass on my extravagant travel bug to her. Uh oh!

Vegas Report

We’re back from Vegas. Actually we got back last Thursday night, but two things have kept me from posting. #1 I have been recuperating and #2 We came home to find that our wireless router had died, therefore no internet on my laptop. I hijacked Dave’s computer since he has broadband service, but I ran out of time before I could complete anything.

So here’s the skinny on Vegas. This was our first time there and it was pretty much like we expected. In short, it was crazy. We had fun, but it was not relaxing. Also, two events occurred that put a little damper on the trip.

#1 I sprained my foot. I use the word sprain not as any sort of technical medical diagnosis, but instead because I don’t know what else to call it. All I know is that I did something to my heel the first full day we were there which prevented me from walking on it for the rest of the trip. That kind of sucked, but I hobbled around anyway. And we took a few more cab rides than we normally would. A little heartbreaking as I adore walking, but I’m over it (kind of) (okay, truthfully, I am trying not to be bitter about it)

#2 On our last night there, Wednesday night, I came down with either a wicked case of food poisoning or the stomach flu and was violently (and I mean violently) sick all night long. Ya’ll this is the sickest I ever remember being in my life and compounded by the fact that I was in a hotel, it left me begging for mercy. We considered staying an extra day because we weren’t sure if I would be able to leave the hotel or to board a plane. But I desperately wanted to go home and I think it was by sheer will that I stopped puking about an hour before we had to leave for the airport. It was not pretty and God bless my sainted husband who carried all our bags and supported me through the pain of airport check in and security. Sidenote: because of the 6 hours of puking and my completely empty stomach, I was afraid to take any Motrin which is what I had been using to numb the pain in my foot all week. So that left my foot throbbing and me only able to hobble my pathetic self through the airports in both Las Vegas and Detroit. That was the longest flight of my life.

Not to say that we did not have some fun. We went to some nifty clubs (which made me feel old and why didn’t anyone tell me that I was supposed to buy a dress that only fell 1 inch below the bottom of my butt cheeks. I was very overdressed. And by overdressed, I mean that my dress feel well below by ass but well above my knees), we ate some good food (with the exception of possibly Wednesday night’s dinner – the jury is still out on if it was food poisoning or the flu), and we kept some good company (our friends over the weekend and my parents during the week). We also saw the Hoover Dam, the aquarium at Mandalay Bay and “O” the most amazing Cirque de Soleil show at the Bellagio. Things we did not see that one or both of us wanted to see but we just ran out of time, The Erotica Museum (Dave), The Titanic Exhibition at the Luxor (me), Peepshow with Holly from Girls Next Door (Me), A titty bar (Dave), The Venetian (me).

So Vegas left me kind of exhausted. I would post some pictures for you, but in my usual fashion, I kept forgetting to take the camera with me on our excursions, except for the Hoover Dam. Dave had the camera for most of that, so I am guessing that when I do get the pictures off of the camera, there will be about 100 pictures of the dam with no people in it. We’ll see, maybe he’ll surprise me.

I am so tired this week. Perhaps a combination of a stressful and sad week last week and fighting off some sort of sickness. All I know is that usually I wake up about an hour before my alarm goes off and then go in and out for the hour before it actually rings. Then I snooze a couple times. Yes, I have messed up sleeping habits.

This week I have been sleeping hard right up until the alarm goes off and then I still snooze a couple times. I did not want to get out of bed this morning and was sure if I did that something terrible would happen. And it did, I stopped at Starbucks and got a triple grande latte (that is a grande latte with an extra shot of espresso in it for a grand total of 3 shots of espresso) and it is the worse latte I have ever had (with the exception of the one that tasted like the milk had gone sour that I got once). This latte tastes like the coffee has liquid smoke in it. I can only think that they somehow burned the coffee or something. But I am so tired this morning I am drinking this putrid brew anyway. Also it cost me $4, yes you read that right, $4. $4.08 to be exact. Which is more than a Miller Lite at my hometown bar would cost me, but less than a man size Guinness that my husband would order.

We are leaving for Vegas on Friday. I can’t wait. Neither of us has ever been to Vegas and honestly I’m not sure if Vegas is going to be my kind of town, but I’m excited to get away. Some of our friends will be there for the weekend so we are going to get a little party time in and then my parents are meeting us there so that will be our more low key time. I got a fun new black dress to wear out. It’s strapless and it was on sale. Both so unlike me.

I love travelling. If you hadn’t noticed, we take a lot of vacations and long weekends. I don’t know where I got this bug, but I sure have it. I need to have travel planned or be planning some sort of travel at all times. I’m already thinking about our summer long weekend. I promised Becca we would take her to Mackinac Island and stay at the Grand Hotel sometime and I am thinking this may be the summer to do it. I drug Dave up there a couple years ago and he did not like it. He said it was too hoity toity, but I feel like everyone should stay there at least once. Is 10 too soon for a person to experience this treat? I was 22 or 23 the first time I went there. I remember going to the island with my friend Joddi and her family when we were little girls. They went ever year and stayed at the Iroquois or the Lake View. We used to run around the island (a good place to let your pre-teens go off alone because there isn’t a lot of trouble to be found on an island with no cars) and we would always find our way up to the Grand Hotel and stand there in awe of it. I had seen Somewhere in Time and I wanted to stay so bad. We couldn’t even go in and look at it because they charge you to walk on the porch (okay, yes a little hoity toity). But I love the fact that you have to dress for dinner and that they have a big band lounge where couples ballroom dance. And the grounds are beautiful and it looks almost just like it did in Somewhere in Time. I remember what it was like to be a little girl dreaming of staying there and I want to give that to Becca. Also, she has a book called “Rebecca of Grand Hotel.” There is a painting in the hotel of a little girl named Rebecca and our Rebecca is dying to see it in person instead of just reading about it in a book.

Wow, this post has meandered around all over the place. And I have a meeting to go to, so I better wrap it up.

What do you think, should I take B to the Grand Hotel or should I make her wait until she is older like I had to?

Why Dave & I should not take Ambien on the same night (and TMI)

Conversation in our bedroom this morning.

Dave, "Why don't I have any underwear on?"

Me, "I have no idea, I don't remember anything."

(Sorry, I warned you about the TMI)

Another Blue Post

I'm so sorry to show back up on the blog to share another bit of terrible news, but this is weighing so heavy on my mind that I have to spew it out somewhere. I struggled as to whether I should even post this, but I think these families could really use your prayers right now.

First of all, the kids mom's mom died earlier this week. That was sad because she had been battling cancer for less than a year and she was only 58. So we had to tell the kids about that and it is the first person they have really lost.

Then we got some even more tragic news. A former colleague and more importantly, a friend of ours took his own life yesterday morning and I am just broken hearted about it. And Dave is even more broken hearted and beside himself than I am, which breaks my heart even more.

Dave has known this man for 15 years and spent a considerable amount of personal and professional time with him. The man had a wife and 5 children ranging from around 13 or so to less than 2.

I just can't stop thinking about these 5 babies who have lost their dad and his wife, who is left to raise them alone. I can't stand it and I can't understand why he would do this. We have no details, no answers, no explantions.

And my poor husband is now spending four days in a row at funerals as he is at the funeral home tonight for the mom's mom, and the funeral tomorrow morning and then Sunday and Monday at the other funeral.

Please say a prayer for this man's family.

A Public Service Announcement

People of the world.

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Nerd Family Values Part II

I just overheard my 10 year old ask her friend over the phone,

"Who is your favorite president?"

I see my history nerd husband is rubbing on her.

Which reminds me, I have been meaning to mention this interesting little bit of toilet trivia.

My husband is reading a book about Andrew Jackson. Did you know that Andrew Jackson and his wife adopted a baby which was one of twin babies that were born to one of their siblings? Yeah, apparantely twins were such a financial burden that the two women got together and cooked up a scheme arranging for the adoption of only one of the babies. Can you even imagine someone doing something like that now?

Yeah, I'm a nerd too.

Snow Day Induced Cabin Fever

I am home with the kids today because they had another snow day. I am irritable.

Why are kids so gross? I swear one or both of them is either leaking some sort of bodily fluid or disgusting smelling vapors or both at the same time.

Really? Blech.

Can someone explain men to me?

My husband has been a total grump lately. Granted, he has been under an enormous amount of pressure and stress at work and he has been working like a zillion hours a week, but I don’t get men. When I am really stressed out at work, I love to go home to my man and curl up on the couch with him.

It seems like I read Men are from Mars years ago and I remember something about men having to retreat to their cave and how you should leave them alone.

Okay, ya’ll, I am not good at the leaving alone thing. Our house isn’t that big, how do I ignore him when he is right there in my face being a BFG (big fat grump). Not to mention, this is the first time in our marriage where I have felt like my husband truly does not like me. And of course, that makes me more henlike.

I’m not so self-absorbed to think that this has anything to do with me other than I am there, but it is really bugging me.

So do any of you seasoned married ladies have any advice for me on this? How do you support your man through stressful situations when everything that would make you feel better seems to make him grumpier?

Your Life, My Life, A Reminder

This drawing has been hanging in my cubicle since I quit my first real job almost 9 years ago. Many of you will remember that I was in the midst of a personal crisis and quitting that job, while a very uncomfortable proposition, was a necessity. As much as I wanted to stay in my comfort zone, I knew that I had to go. It was the most painful transition of my life.

But as it turned out, quitting that job turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made. I could never have imagined at the time how well things would turn out for me in terms of my career and my personal life.

I found myself gazing at this drawing this morning and I realized that while I have been staring at it for 9 years, I have stopped seeing it. It is time to move forward, stop looking back and hanging on with desperation to something that is no longer an option. It's uncomfortable and scary, but as in the past, a necessity.

The way things change

Tomorrow it will be 6 years since Dave and I started dating (we have been married for almost 4). The date was on a Saturday, so I figure that would actually be tonight.

That night we went to dinner and a movie and then back to my place. I think right about now we were sitting on my couch having a beer and talking. We had so much to talk about back then because neither of us had heard each others stories yet. I don't mean that to sound wistful because we still talk a lot, but we have definitely heard each others stories. It is fun to remember the times at the beginning of love when you can't get enough of each other and talk on the phone for hours and the thoughts of that person consume you.

Right now Dave is playing Call of Duty with Sam and I am in the office blogging. It is 10:30 on a Saturday night. It's funny how things change.

I came home yesterday to find that Dave had purchased me a spa package and scheduled it for tomorrow. So I will be getting a 90 minute massage tomorrow morning followed by a manicure and pedicure. That man has come a long way on his gift giving. I used to have to tell him exactly what to buy for me or he would freak out and not buy my anything (this includes my engagment ring, he was too afraid to pick it out without me)

My point is that while it is fun to remember what it was like at the beginning, right now is exactly where I want to be.

Postscript to the Lying Bitch

Dear LB,

Now that I have given it some thought, maybe you were right. Maybe I do need to lose 20lbs.

I'm going to miss food.

Laundry list

First of all, did you know that Panera Bread does not have ranch dressing? Yes, I found this out yesterday. I guess it isn’t cool enough (actually that is me editorializing. I don’t know why they don’t carry it and the 15 year old who was taking my order didn’t have a clue)

Second of all, I am t-i-r-e-d today. Mainly because I stayed up past my bedtime on Sunday night and it is now catching up with me. I should have treated myself to a triple this morning, but I wanted to hurry up and get to work before the snow started. I am figuring the kids won’t have school tomorrow and I am planning on staying home with them if that happens.

#3 I am dreaming of somewhere warm, and it isn’t Michigan.

#4 I am not going to be able to buy new pants for at least a year or however long it takes for the ridiculous skinny legs to go out of fashion again. I refuse to buy them. I refuse, I refuse, I refuse. I hate them and they are ugly and you can call me a fashion reject for saying it. Banana Republic, are you listening to me? All your pants this year are UGLY. Please bring back the wider leg and you could throw some cuffs at me, that would be great.

#5 Is it bizarre that we use our grill all year round? Yes I stand in my garage in 10 degree weather and grill.

Work (Again)

What am I doing right now? The literal answer to that questions is:

I’m sitting at my desk. It is 8:25 a.m. and I am trying to get my day started. There is a space heater buzzing under my desk keeping me feet warm and I don’t know how I would survive without it. It’s pretty quiet in the office still. While I check my e-mail and the morning news, my tiny desk radio is next to me broadcasting my favorite morning show and at the moment I started to type this post it was playing a McDonald’s commercial that is on every morning and it just occurred to me that I am so sick of hearing it. But if I shut the radio off, it is too quiet and I get edgy. I need something to distract me from where I am and what I am doing (literally).

What is on my agenda today? Spreadsheets, numbers, revenue forecasts, spreadsheets, forms, numbers, spreadsheets, well, you get the picture, right? Hey, at least I don’t have any meetings today, that is a rarity. So that brings me round to my original question, in a slightly different form.

What the fuck am I doing? (Sorry I hope you are not terribly offended by profanity, and if you are, you probably would not like me very much.)

Okay, what I am saying to myself is in response to my question is, “Quit whining, bitch, and either deal with the career you have made for yourself. Or change it.”

So, I am going to change it.

More to follow.

The Wii Fit or as I like to call it, Lying Bitch

First of all, why does the Wii fit voice sound like a Teletubby?

Second of all the Wii fit told me that my true age is 45 and that my ideal weight is 20lbs less than I currently weigh. Ya’ll, I am not a skinny minnie, but 20lbs seems like a lot for me. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to shed 20lbs, but I don’t know if that is really all that realistic. I mean, I am almost 5’8” so I’m not light, but this hurt my ego a little. So to the Wii fit teletubby, I say,

Bite me, you lying bitch.

Thirdly, how the frick does it calculate your BMI and is that really accurate? Does it not need to take into account things like muscle mass and your frame size?

I am not happy with the Wii fit right now and the yoga option seemed lame. Do I really have to pick one pose at a time? Am I missing something with this contraption? Dave is a little annoyed with me because he bought it for me for Christmas and I just finally broke it out of the box this weekend and now even if I hate it and will never use it, it is too late to take it back.

Oops.

As I Recall

When I was young, before I understood politics and social stereotypes, my paternal grandparents lived in a double wide trailer. It was an hour drive from our house. Every other Sunday we would go to church and then to visit and there was always a pot of spaghetti sauce simmering away on the stove. It was my grandpa’s “secret” recipe and was loaded with big chunks of beef and pork and sausage. When we arrived my grandma would start a pot of water to cook the noodles and it seemed like forever before they would be ready. They served the spaghetti with fresh grated parmesan cheese and a simple vinegar and oil salad. I don’t remember the dishes or the silverware or the glasses, but I remember that the table was wooden with a bench on one side and it sat in front of a large window at the front of the trailer overlooking the driveway where my grandpa’s car was parked. It was usually a large sedan like a Crown Victoria or a Grand Marquis and in my mind it is maroon. I wonder now if he always drove a Ford, like I remember, or if my memory is skewed because my dad always drove a Ford. Perhaps it was a Chevy or a Buick.

The carpet was green (I remember it as green, but on this detail I am fuzzy) and the couch was covered in orange and brown flowers. There was a grandfather clock in the corner and a fire place surrounded by fake bricks that when turned on radiated heat and flashed a fake orange flame. My grandma had lamps that turned on when you touched them. I thought that was really fascinating and would run my child hands over the lamp as lightly as possible to see how sensitive it was. The lamp was gold.

In the back room, there was a globe on a stand and a portrait of Jack and Bobby Kennedy on the wall. The portrait stands out in my mind (and my cousins as several were talking about it at the funeral a few weeks ago). I remember staring at it. I didn’t really know much about Jack Kennedy except that he had been President and that he had the same name as my dad. I knew nothing of Bobby Kennedy. The portrait said JFK and RFK and had their birth and death dates. I would stare at these dates and the images of their faces, these men who meant nothing to me but with my adult knowledge, I understand their impact on the American political landscape. I know so much more of these men now and it is fascinating to me how your adult knowledge can overlay your childhood memories like tracing paper. I recently attempted to find a print of this painting on the vast expanse that is the internet, but it was nowhere to be found. Strange, I would have thought it would have been abundant on ebay and the like. If I had not spoken of it with my family, I would be questioning myself if it had actually existed other than in my head.

I don’t remember the bathroom, although I’m sure I used it.

Across the street was a steep hill and a field with only utility poles and power lines. I used to play out there with my cousins if any of them happened to be there on the same day. Sometimes it was just my parents, brothers and me. And later, just my parents and me. I remember myself in girly dresses with ruffles and knit tights, but maybe my mom brought a change of clothes for me because I don’t see myself in a dress rolling down the hill.

Inside, the tv was always on. It was nothing I was interested in because I don’t remember what was on it. My grandpa would put the remote in his pocket so no one could change the channel. There was a plaque on the shelf that said, “May you be in heaven a half hour before the devil knows your dead”. I didn’t understand what that meant and my mom had to explain it to me. The plaque had a green shamrock on it (My grandpa was Italian, but my grandma was Irish)

On Easter, the kitchen table would hold an Easter basket full of chocolate, and dyed hard boiled eggs and jelly beans and chewy sugary pieces shaped like lambs and chicks all on a bed of purple or green plastic grass. Was there a Christmas tree at Christmas? We never went on actual Christmas, the family was too large and the trailer too small so we always went to my aunt and uncles house instead. My memories don’t include a Christmas tree.

We would eat and visit and then load up into the car to drive the hour back home. And I would lounge in the backseat, my dress flopping every which way (and very unladylike), with my tights drooping at the crotch and my shoes discarded on the floor, the dark cloud of school the next morning hanging over my head not knowing what important memories these visits would turn out to be later in my life, not ever thinking of a day when both my grandparents would be gone, not ever thinking about politics or religion or old Irish Blessings, not ever thinking that I should pay closer attention to the bathroom in my grandparents trailer.

This was one visit and every visit. Later, they moved out of the trailer, I think I was already away at college and my visits had become less and less frequent. My grandpa started dementia. He got lost driving around in his car and they had to take it away from him. Then he went into a nursing home and then he died. I was in my last year of college. I don’t remember ever eating the spaghetti anywhere but the trailer, and in fact, I’m quite sure that my memory is accurate on that point. She lived from then until just a few weeks ago, by herself, in the condo they had moved to, still making her own meals and her own bed. But, of course, they live on in their 7 children and their children and their children’s children and in stories like this.

Why, I ask, Why?

I feel blue and tired tonight. There is no explainable reason why. I didn't have a bad day, I got enough sleep last night, I don't have to go for jury duty tomorrow (I was supposed to but the case was settled, thank God).

So wtf is wrong with me? I could have gone to bed when I got home at 6:00 tonight.

I blame winter, although, the sun did come out today, so even though it was cold, it was sunny.

In other news, I wish my stepson would cut his hair. Damn the 70's hair that has come back in and damn the skinny jeans. How does he get his foot through the hole?

Okay, I'm off to take a hot bath and go to bed early. If this is one of those nights where I get a burst of energy just when bedtime rolls around and then I can't sleep, I am going to be extremely irritated.

Hmmph.

Motivational Quote of the Day

I get these in my e-mail every day and I just love the one from today:

"Your imagination is your preview of life's coming attractions." -Albert Einstein

Why I don't bake anymore

Because I can eat 7 pieces of chocolate cake in one 24 hour period.

Obsession

Sunday I went to Elder Beerman to try and find a replacement set of sheets. We have a set of Karen Neuberger sheets that are so unbelievably soft and comfortable and also have a huge hole in them and I want another of the exact same set. Well, they didn't have the sheets I was looking for, but I did find these:

Now there is no logical reason that I want or need these bowls. I am already maxed out on cupboard space so I would have no where to put them and they would probably end up sitting on my counter and making my kitchen look even more cluttered than usual.

But they are Fiesta Ware and I *heart* Fiesta Ware. Sigh. Plus they come in all sorts of bright and cheery colors.

And I want them. Along with about 600 other pieces of Fiesta Ware in 12 different colors.

What is wrong with me?

Monday Morning Smile

Let’s lighten things up around here.

The following was published in my local police blotter. Yes folks, I live in a high crime area.

A [] husband supposedly still in bed with his sleeping wife called 911 Friday morning to report a burglar.
The burglar turned out to be his wife, who was baking cookies.
A [] Police sergeant said the 26-year-old man called 911 about 7 a.m. to report that he heard noises in the downstairs area of the couple’s home [].
Troopers[] responded to the call, which was dispatched as a burglary of an occupied resident, to find a woman in the kitchen area.
The troopers contacted the 25-year-old woman who told them her name and that she lived in the home.
The troopers contacted the husband and asked him to check on his “sleeping wife.”
When he checked, he discovered it was not his wife sharing the marital bed but a pile of clothing, the police sergeant said

Fumbling towards....... something

First of all, I want to thank everyone who extended well wishes and sympathy regarding the loss of my grandma. It was much appreciated.

Last week was a rough week. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were consumed with funeral related activities culminating with the funeral itself. It was draining and it was harder than I expected. Then Wednesday evening I came down with either food poisioning or the stomach flu. I'm leaning toward the stomach flu. So, like I said, it was a rough week.

I still can't believe she is gone.

But, life goes on as it must. And beginning tomorrow, it's back to our regularily scheduled programming.

I think it's gonna rain today

My grandma passed away this morning. And I'm sad.

This was my dad's mom and my last grandparent to go. So that makes it a little extra sad. I suppose in a way this makes my mom and dad orphans.

However, today I have been trying to focus on the fact that she lived an amazing life. She was 91 and healthy up until very recently. Her death was not long and drawn out and I don't think she suffered. She had 7 kids, all of who outlived her and oodles of grandchildren and great grandchildren. My grandpa passed away about 12 years ago, so she doesn't have to be without him anymore.

It really is the way life should go, but I can't help feeling so sad. It's the end of something.

I will miss you grandma. You were so loved.

Not so excited about January so far

This month hasn't been the greatest so far. With our vacation and the holidays in December, I felt like I worked part-time (probably because I basically did work part-time).

So when January started, I told myself it was back to the grind time. I was meal-planning a week at a time, getting back into the groove at work, keeping the house clean. I was refreshed from having so much time off last month.

But of course, it only took me about 1 week to remember why I hate my job. And then I got called for Jury Duty. And then my grandma got really really sick and I had to drive 3 hours one way in a blizzard so I could see her before she passed. And then she didn't pass (but it has been touch and go and I am convinced that doctors know nothing) and I got stuck on two (yes two) jury trials that I have to go back for at the end of the month.

Then yesterday was Dave's birthday, but my boss (who is never in town) was in town and I had a bunch of meetings so I didn't get home until later than I wanted to. And we were supposed to go out for a very nice dinner tonight and my mom called me this morning to tell me that my grandma is indeed dying and they don't expect her to make it through the weekend. So dinner is cancelled and I feel terrible.

And then I started thinking of everything that is on my plate at work this coming week and I figure I am going to be out at least 1 or 2 days for the funeral and there is this huge meeting where a bunch of people are flying in and what if I have to miss it. I know you are probably thinking, who cares about work when there are family issues to be tended to? And that is mostly how I feel, but honestly I have been so unengaged at work that I was already feeling guilty about it so while I could care less about missing the meeting, I feel guilty about not caring. Does that even make sense?

I really am over January. Really. And it is only the 16th.