Have you ever cut a piece of cheese off the block, ate it, gone back for another slice and realized the block has mold on it?

This is another reason of why we ate out every day last week.

Another Customer Service Rant

Okay, first of all I have been eating soooo bad the past week or so. Let's just establish that before I go any further in this post. I have to admit that other than last night, my family has eaten out every night this week. I'm ashamed to admit it but it's true. I blame winter and let's just leave it at that.

Now, on to my rant.

I left the relative warmth of my office today to run up to Arby's and grab some grub. It is one of the few places around here that has a drive through and while fast food is not at the top of my list, probably because of all the other crap I've been eating this week that is full of high fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated shortening that makes you crave more junk food, sounded good. So I go to the drive through and order a beef 'n cheddar, get my order and come back to the office.

I just down at my desk with my sandwich, my space heater is blaring and my toes are starting to warm back up and I just opened the sandwich.

It was made with two butt pieces of the bun. You know how the beef 'n cheddar comes on a nice fat onion bun? Not this one. It's two butt pieces with not one piece of onion on it. Then when I took it apart the roast beef is crusty. Like either it sat out under the heat lamp for 3 days or it was the butt end of the roast beef. And, on top of that, it smells kind of gross. I'm so grossed out right now that I want to take the sandwich back to Arby's and bitch them out. I mean really, what would posses a person to make a sandwich with two butt pieces of bread? But, I'm torn, because it's freezing outside, and it's 12:30 which means there will be 1,000 peeps in line and it's freezing outside.

So the sandwich is sitting here in the bag on my desk. And I'm not sure what to do with it.

Words of Caution

Let's just say that you are a person who hates winter. And let's just say that when winter comes and the daylight hours are short and it's dark when you leave for work and dark when you come home and you really don't like your job very much and want to quit it to start having babies and when you do finally drag your sorry ass home after a long day at said hated job and it is dark (as mentioned above) all you want to do is put on some sweatpants and woolly socks and lay on the couch under a blanket until bedtime. Should I also mention that you had a $280 gas bill in December so you are trying not to turn the heat up as high which pushes you even harder toward the couch?

Let's just say you are that person and you find yourself, in late January, not having engaged in any sort of cardiovascular exercise since there were still leaves on the trees in your front yard. Oh, and I should also tell you that your yoga teacher, who you adored, moved her yoga studio to Ann Arbor and therefore you have been unable to engage in the one physical activity that you really do enjoy for ONE YEAR and a couple months.

So if you are this person, and I'm not mentioning any names, but if you are this person, let me give you some words of caution. If you find yourself in a PMS rage one Saturday when your family is away at the movies and you should be enjoying having the quiet house to yourself but you can't relax because you want to take a chair and throw it through the window in hopes of possibly alleviating some of the PMS rage, oh and you want to strangle your husband because he had a Carnation instant breakfast shake (that has MILK in it) in your favorite sport bottle and then left it sealed up in car for a week so that when you opened it to wash it, the smell of sour milk almost killed you. Do not, I repeat, do not spend an entire hour on the treadmill trying to run off the PMS rage.

You will not be able to walk the next day.

more random thoughts on my drive into work

Why did Drew have to leave the Drew and Mike show? I can't deal with just Mike and this has forced me to start listening to XM Talk Radio on the way to work which results in me being way more informed about politics than I ever wanted to be and as a direct result of that, I have become very negative and convinced that world is going to end soon.

Julia Roberts made her name by playing the "hooker with the heart of gold", why did I like the movie Pretty Woman so much? And what the heck is Julia Roberts doing now? Hmmm, I kind of want to watch Pretty Woman now. Do I have that movie on DVD? I might only have it on VHS. I'm going to have to check when I get home tonight. I know it by heart, I could probably just recite it to myself for entertainment. "Could I get a word other than fine?" "Asshole. There's a word" Oh Lord, I could go on all day with those. I'll spare you.

What is the difference between Communism and Socialism? I thought I knew this, but now I'm not sure. I'll have to research that a little so I can be more informed about politics and feel even worse about the state of things.

I should have gotten a Venti latte instead of a Grande. I don't think this is going to be enough caffeine.

"Bullshit! It's the kill you love! I made you a very rich man doing exactly what you love!" Sorry, I've got Pretty Woman on the brain now.

I wonder if the squirrels will be in the tree again today.

Am I ever going to get the dog poop stains out of the carpet and how much would it cost me to get all the carpet ripped out of the house and replaced with wood floors?

Balls, I'm here.

Short

My day started off cleaning dog poop (and I mean runny poop) off the carpet. That was at 6 am after I had was woken by an insomniac husband from 3:30-4:45 and after I had taken a shower.

Amazingly this was not really the worst event of the day. My team at work dropped the ball majorly on a customer and while not directly my fault, I am their leader and therefore responsible.

I don't think the dog poop stain is coming off the carpet.

Ugh. Calgon take me away!

my random thoughts on the drive into work today

Question: Why do I like jeans so much? Answer: They don't need to be ironed. Or dry-cleaned.

One of the best movie lines ever is from LA Confidential. The Kim Basinger Veronica Lake Hooker character says to the Guy Pierce cop character, "Some men get the world. Others get ex-hookers and a trip to Arizona."

Why didn't I get tickets to the Inaugural Ball?

Oh shit, I need gas.

LA Confidential is an awesome movie. I love movies set in 50's Hollywood. Except for The Black Dahlia. That movie sucked. Bad.

Should I have a baby?

Hmmm, Beck Road is icy again. Maybe it could snow some more. Oh God, It's only January 19 there could be 2-3 months more of this weather and we don't have a vacation planned this year.

I wouldn't really have anything to wear to the Inaugural Ball.

Balls. I'm here.

I want you to know that I now have another smoke detector chirping in my house. This would be the third one since Friday. And while we went to the store with 9volt batteries on our list but could not find them in our newly remodeled and rearranged Meijer. So we forgot. Until just now.

We are sitting on the couch, Dave is reading, I was surfing, the kids are spending the night at their granny's because they don't have school tomorrow. It's our quiet wind down time and then,

Chirp (my battery is dying)

Dave starts looking for the ladder as I frantically start pawing through the junk drawer in hopes of finding a forgotten 9volt battery buried in the rubble. Which I did not find.

Chirp (if your house burns downs, I won't work, but I can still chirp)
Chirp.

That smoke detector is currently wrapped in a towel in a box in our garage and covered with one of the kids pairs of snow pants. His brother across the hall is also wrapped in a towel in the box. Guilt by association.

Tomorrow I'll tell you a tale that begins with a bag of frozen smelt and ends with a broken ice maker.

Phoebe and the Fire Alarm

This was us a few weeks ago. I wanted to post this then, but I couldn't find the full clip on YouTube. However, I got home from work a few minutes ago and the smoke detector in the spare bedroom is now beeping. I thought we replaced the batteries in all of them when this happened. So I dragged the ladder up from the basement all the way up to the second floor and replaced the battery.

It's still beeping. Does that mean it won't detect smoke, but it can still beep every 45 seconds to warn us that it can't detect smoke anymore?

Okay, So I will tell you this one work story

It's pretty not work related so, I guess I can share it.

Yesterday I walked into this "guys" office. He was in there working with another "guy". Let's call them Hector and Achillies. Why not? It's my story. Now I can be entertained when I see them at work tomorrow.

Anyway, It's Hector's office, but Achillies has his laptop set up in there and he has this really nifty power supply. I'm instantly drawn to it because it's small. Perfect size to fit in my new Christmas present laptop bag that is awesome but won't fit a lot of stuff. I've been actually going sans power supply and that hasn't been working out so well. So I say to Achillies, "Sweet power supply. Where'd you get that!?" And he says, "You want it, take it."

Pause.

First of all Achillies is usually an asshole and likes to keep the good stuff for himself, so I find this strange. Second of all, I'm puzzled. Am I supposed to say, "Cool, thanks!" and then rip the power supply that is currently plugged into his laptop, out of his laptop and take off with it? I did not know how to proceed. It was weird.

And he told me to take it twice. Double weird.

Then I looked down where the power supply was laying and I saw this cheap little black tote bag laying there next to it. Maybe he thought I was talking about the cheap little tote bag (which if I had turned it over, probably had my company logo on it. Something we call a schmoogie). Even though I said specifically the power supply was small and cool. Perhaps he really wasn't listening to me.

Yeah, that explanation makes much more sense. I think.

Work

Oh Lordy do I wish I could blog about work.

But I can't.

Kidspeak

Becca said two hilarious things tonight.

#1 There is a Mexican restaurant by our house that is called "Los Tres Amigos." When I came home from work today she said, "I want to go eat dinner at the Three Tres Amigos!"

#2 She was telling about some movie that is coming out that features two characters called Romeo and Juliette. Dave asked her if she knows where Romeo and Juliette come from and she says, "Yes, Shakespeare." So I'm impressed thinking that I'm rubbing off on her and she add, "But I don't know who wrote it."

Subject: Hannah Montana

I hate Hannah Montana and if I have to listen to her CD one more time, it is not going to be pretty.

And that's all I have to say about that.

So I was in Victoria's Secret the day after Christmas (I was buying a pair of sweatpants if you can believe it. Dave got me a pair for Christmas and they were so comfy I decided to brave the after Christmas crowd(which there ended up being none) and get another pair. Why do I feel the need to explain why I was at Victoria's Secret? I don't know)

Anyway, I was in Victoria's Secret waiting in line to pay for the sweatpants I was buying and the woman in front of me was taking forever to get her money out like she was thinking about it really hard. And she finally she mumbles something to the cashier about being ticked because she can't use a coupon she has and how stupid it is that she can't use said coupon on sale items. (I'm unclear what happened prior to that because I was spacing out standing there in line)

Now let me interject here that I have a friend who used to work at Victoria's Secret and I can tell you that they don't pay well. I mean the girls working in this store are probably making whatever minimum wage is now, and not a penny more. And they are all about 16 or 17. Not a lot of worldly experience. Or communication skills.

The cashier looks at the customer with her sweet, angelic, blue glittered and 16 year old face and says, quite innocently I thought, "Well if you want I can ring it up full price."

And like quicksilver, the customer put her money right back in her wallet and said, "Well you can just void the whole order. I don't need to deal with that kind of attitude." And poor glitter girl is just looking at her with a look that says, "What? What'd I do?"

The customer continued bitching, "Why would I want to pay full price, is that going to save me money?"

Glitter girl says, with doe-like eyes, "I don't know. I'm just trying to make you happy."

Customer says, "F**k you." and walks out of the store.

So I'm curious, have you ever told a customer service rep to f off? I mean, I'm a big fan of the f word, but I have never dropped that bomb on a customer service rep.

Okay, once I used the f word about 17 times when I was yelling at one of my electrical contractors, but that was construction Melanie, not every day shopping at the mall Melanie. Does that really seem appropriate to you?

5 Reasons Sam Should Get an IPOD Touch

According to him:

1. Because his is 5 years old (it is, in fact, 2 years old. I know this for a fact because it was mine first and Dave gave it to me around the time of our wedding)

2. It’s too small (It is 4gig)

3. It’s old

4. It won’t fit all his songs

5. It’s old and he wants an IPOD Touch

I think he forgot to mention that his best friend across the street just got an IPOD Touch and so he has to keep up with the Jones's

So here's the drama that was going on at our house last night.

First of all let me start out by saying that Sam is 13 and based on what I have seen since about the time he turned 12, I fear for what it is going to be like in our house when Becca turns 12. Right now she is still pretty sweet and thinks that Dave and I and most other adults are the best thing ever. All you have to do is call her sweetie and give her a hug and she's all smiles. Give her something with glitter on it and she'd do just about anything for you. I'm afraid all that baby sweetness is going to go away when the hormones start surging. I've already seen a few glimpses of it in her.

But I'm getting off track. What I really wanted to talk about what the self-centeredness of a 13 year old.

Dave and Sam each have an IPod Nano. Dave uses his pretty much exclusively when he is running on the treadmill. Sam uses his for things like surviving his excruciatingly painful and long 15-20 minutes bus ride, surviving any sort of car ride with his father and wicked evil step-mother, and in general surviving life. Both IPod's are over 2 years old and if you've ever had an IPod, you know that the batteries don't last forever and in general become crap after a couple years and cannot be replaced.

So Monday night Dave ran on the treadmill and killed his battery so he placed his IPod on the charger and called it good.

I should also mention that IPod's come with a charger that plugs in the USB port on the computer, but if you want to be able to plug it into the wall to charge, you have to purchase an adapter that costs about $30. So we only have one wall adaptor.

Last night Dave came home from work and got all ready to run on the treadmill and when he goes to get his IPod off the charger he finds it is already off the charger and still dead. You see where this is going, right? Sam. The little punk took Dave's IPod off the charger and put his own on it. His answer? A shoulder shrug and "Well mine was dead too." I asked him when exactly he took Dave's IPod off the charger and it turns out he went in there pretty much right after Dave. Then he went back the next morning after his IPod was nice and charged up and took without any thought of putting Dave's back on the charger. Thus the still dead battery at 6:30 p.m. last night. And his answer to that, "Well, we only have one charger."

Mind you, we gave him that IPod. Then he proceeds to tell us how he wants to buy an IPod touch with his Christmas money but he is about $100 short. I suggested he think up some extra chores around our house to help me out and I will pay him and he can earn the rest of the money that way. He doesn't like that idea. He says he can't think of anything he can do around the house. I offered to make him a list of all the tasks I perform each week, in addition to my 50-60 hour work week. He declined. Then, his little sister asks him if she can have his old IPod when he buys the touch and he tell her "NO!"

Who is this increasingly hairy person living in my house?

Tomorrow I will share with you the list he came up with with 5 reasons why he should be able to get an IPod touch

Caught

My dog keeps getting into the trash. I have one of those fancy smancy trashcans that has a lid on it that you have to step on the pedal to open so there is really no excuse for this to keep happening. It’s mostly my fault because the bag will get full and I will pull it out but once I pull it out I realize that I could conceivably stuff ½ ton more trash into it so I will leave it sitting in the corner of the kitchen until I feel it is sufficiently stuffed with trash and only then will I take it into the garage. And three times in the last week I have forgotten to take it into the garage before we leave to go somewhere. And every freaking time Guinness will get into it and we will come home to trash strewn all over the kitchen. Last week he got the Honeybaked ham wrapper from our Christmas ham and licked it clean. He smelled so much like smoked meat that I had to break down and give him a bath. Dave kept saying, “Hmmm, why do I feel so hungry? Maybe because there is a Honeybaked Ham sitting on my lap.”

So here’s the worst part. Right before Christmas Dave decided to help me out by doing the grocery shopping and he brought me home a box of chocolates. And he was so proud of himself. But between you and me, they weren't very good and Christmas came and there were so many other better things to eat that the chocolates just sat on the counter. And finally today I decided to just throw them away. I didn’t tell him they weren’t that good, I just sort of buried them in the trash. But then I left the trash bag in the kitchen when we went to dinner with Dave’s family and dammit wouldn’t you know that Guinness helped himself to the trash. So we come home and there is my box of chocolates laying in the middle of the kitchen floor and you better believe it’s empty now. So I immediately freak out and start yelling about how the dog ate chocolate and he’s going to die. And Dave looks at me and says, “There were chocolates left in it?”

Great Guinness. Thanks.