My husband has been a total grump lately. Granted, he has been under an enormous amount of pressure and stress at work and he has been working like a zillion hours a week, but I don’t get men. When I am really stressed out at work, I love to go home to my man and curl up on the couch with him.
It seems like I read Men are from Mars years ago and I remember something about men having to retreat to their cave and how you should leave them alone.
Okay, ya’ll, I am not good at the leaving alone thing. Our house isn’t that big, how do I ignore him when he is right there in my face being a BFG (big fat grump). Not to mention, this is the first time in our marriage where I have felt like my husband truly does not like me. And of course, that makes me more henlike.
I’m not so self-absorbed to think that this has anything to do with me other than I am there, but it is really bugging me.
So do any of you seasoned married ladies have any advice for me on this? How do you support your man through stressful situations when everything that would make you feel better seems to make him grumpier?
6 comments:
I would probably force a confrontation and insist that we work together through his stress, and point out to him (ever so lovingly) that he was being rude to me.
Of course, I do like to retreat into my cave. And right now my husband is being very very polite to me (the polite version of not speaking to me) so I may not have the best advice!!
Ohhh yes. I went through the same thing last week. Unfortunately my man will fester until he blows up and then he is complaining about everything under the sun, when it acutally had NOTHING to do with the original problem.
When he comes home cranky, I ask "Is something wrong?" which he will reply, "no". Then I will say, "Liar. Does it have anything to do with me?" and he will say "No" and will either spew out what is bothering him, or he will end it like that. That's when I take my que to just leave him alone till he is ready to talk, which he usually does.
My advice... Ask him once if you have done anything to upset him. If he says no, then drop it. Move on. It will either bother him more that you are going on about your business and he will talk, OR he will just get over whatever wild hair he has up his hoohaa.
I am similar to Val. ALthought Karl never blows up - he just keeps it all in. I usually ask what's wrong, he says nothing, I make sure one or two times it nothing that I did. Once he confirms it's not me I just let him stew. If he needs to talk then he can come to me. I don't have time to sit and baby him....I have two others for that.
Matt and I both read Men are from Mars and we kind of have a pack now. I'll ask him if something is wrong, and if the answer is no (but I know something is) then I ask, "are you in your cave." And if the answer is yes, then I leave it at that and eventually he snaps out of it. Otherwise, it's his opportunity to fess up with what's wrong.
But I agree with you, there is nothing that i look forward to more than going home to him after a stressful day, so it's hard to fathom when they don't act the same way.
And when all else fails, getting your man his favorite beer followed up by some sexy undies go a lonnnng way ;-) ha ha!!!
I gotta agree with the Val & Miranda and Janet. However I guess I tend to be more blunt and ask "Why are you so crabby?" Which usually leads to the defensive "I'm not crabby". And then I remember to be supportive and say "ok". And then usually 30 seconds later he spills the beans. Kraig is a great communicator though. In fact as I type this I think our roles are reversed. I have a harder time fessing up when something is bothering me. But yeah so ask once, and then let him spill it on his own. Also men love to be babied when they feel like that, (as long as you aren't the one their angry at) so a beer, and footrub while they watch espn or crappy tv that lets them zone usually does the trick.
PS Janet's new name is Captain Underpants ;)
Captain Underpants is hysterical!
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