Dear Asshole

**disclaimer**
This is not about me and Dave.

There is never an excuse to cheat on your wife. And cheating isn't limited just to sex. It can also mean being in love infatuation with someone (at least thinking you are because I know your stupid-ass obviously does not know what love it). You can try to come up with all sorts of creative ways to try and make it her fault, but the bottom line is that you are the one who violated the vows you made in front of God (and suddenly deciding you don't believe in God doesn't excuse you either) and also you are the one who walked out on your wife and son. And if you think for a second that your relationship with your son is going to be the same or better (because I know in you sick stupid twisted mind that is what you are telling yourself) think again. And ask a divorced parent about it. And while we're talking about your son, what exactly are you teaching him? That when the going gets a little tough, you just give up and walk out? You are displaying a total lack of character.

You say that it has always been about her? I would beg to differ. I have been there from the start and it has always been about you. You tore her away from her family from the start. You dragged her all over the country with a brand new baby to boot. And she went because she loved you and she wanted you to be happy. But excuse me, asshole, if she wasn't Cinderella with birds chirping around her head singing while she scrubbed the floor. You drug her across the country to a shit hole city in a shit hole state when she had just given birth THREE WEEKS earlier! What kind of asshole does that and then has the nerve to sit there and cry about how he wasn't getting enough attention or whatever your telling yourself to justify what you are doing. You are lucky you didn't marry me because I would have told you to grow the f up and support your family. Why the hell did you get married and have a kid if you wanted to play the eternal student?

You can sit there and say that she did this and she did that and maybe she wasn't perfect. Sure, there are things that she needed to work on - but since when do you just give up on a marriage without even trying to fix it first? I will never give you an inch on this - you are the jerk here.

You are not a man. A man would take care of his family first and himself second. He would never sit around and cry because he has to work so his wife can stay home and raise their son. He would never burden her with that knowlege. You think you are some sort of prize? You couldn't even make enough money for all the bills (most of which were yours from bad financial choices you made in the past) You are a spoiled, self-centered, brat and personally I think she will be better off without you.

'Nuff said.

Remembering the Bad Times

Today I took Guinness for a walk. It was absolutely beautiful outside. The sky was gorgeous and totally blue. I couldn't find a cloud. It was sunny but the air was slightly cool and it was quiet. And it reminded me of a time in my life that wasn't so great.

Let me explain. Some of you (or most of you) know that about 6 years ago, I had an event. I don't need to go into specifics, but lets just say I was fed up with my life. So I quit my job at USA TODAY and left the state. Rather suddenly, I might add. I gave my two weeks notice, worked it less one day and when I was done, I packed my stuff and went to Indianapolis to stay with my old college roomie, Donna at her brother Dale's house. He had a house in the cute development south of the city. It had starter style homes, retirement condos, lovely single family homes and a golf course. Donna got me a job driving the beer cart at that golf course. This was right around the beginning of September and the weather was much like it has been here of late.

And I was heartbroken. And, I was lonely, and I was sad. I had left my job, my family, and everything familiar. But I knew I needed this sabbatical. So I started my job driving the beer cart. But of course, it was only part time so I had a lot of spare time on my hands.

Donna's brother Dale had this chocolate lab named Buster (RIP dear Buster). And we spent a lot of time together. I walked that dog all over the neighborhood. And I would take my journal and stop by the pond and write. And Buster would just sit there and wait for me. I spent hours walking around that neighborhood with Buster. It got to where he would get so excited if I even touched my running shoes. He became my best friend. It was the first time I had ever developed such a bond with a dog.

Which brings me to why today's walk reminded me of then. Do you know what I used to think about when I would walk around the neighborhood with Buster? I would look at all those beautiful homes and feel positively empty. I would just ache because that was exactly what I wanted. I wanted to love someone and be loved. I wanted to be fulfilled and at that particular point in my life, I couldn't have felt less fulfilled and I couldn't have felt more alone. I would walk and think about how I wanted to have one of those houses and the family that was inside of it.

I try very hard in my life now to be happy with what I have. And today, being reminded of how bad it was, reminded of good it is now. I was walking around my neighborhood, with my dog, and my husband was at home waiting for me. And when I walk in the door of my beautiful home, he kisses me and tells me how much he loves me. That it was so sour then, makes it all the more sweet now.

Guess Who's Grounded Again!?

Last night I sent Sam to get Rebecca from her friends house so I could take her to her Brownie Round Up. Guess where she wasn't? So she fesses up that she went house hopping again and when I told her she was grounded again she had two choice comments to make.

#1 "Why does Sam have to be a tattle-tale?" (She tells on him all the time)

and

#2 "I was having a good day until you ruined it!"

Like spending my evening at "Brownie Round Up" with 100 screaming 1st and 2nd grade little girls is my idea of a stellar evening.

Oh Happy Day!

Drumroll please. I have very exciting news (and before you get too excited, I'm not pregnant).

Yesterday the most wonderful thing happened.

I PAID OFF MY STUDENT LOAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes folks, after ten years of toil, I am no longer indebted to Sallie Mae. It's over. Done with. I've written my last check to the establishment. I can now hang my diploma on the wall and know that I own it.

Rejoice with me - I never thought this day would come.

Next stop - pay off the mortgage. I'll see you all in 15-20 years.

Five Finger Discount

Did I mention that my husband has "commandeered" my digital camera for his new job? And that when I need it, it is no where to be found? That is why my blog has been void of pictures for the last couple months. I don't think I can, in good conscience, post anymore photos from my honeymoon which occurred nearly a year ago. So, I did what any sensible person would do - I went and bought a new digital camera. And this time I decided to upgrade. My old camera is a Nikon Coolpix (I can't remember the model number) and it takes beautiful pictures and has served me well for the past three years. I actually traded in my old fashioned film Nikon for the digital. It was my first digital. But as my family has grown, I have discovered that a point and click digital just doesn't work for taking pictures of children and animals. They move faster than the shutter can click. So I purchased what I believe is called a "Digital SLR". I'm not the photography expert, I leave that to my friend Alison. But the shutter is supposed to be a lot faster than a point and click and that is pretty much all I care about.

It is supposed to be here Tuesday which makes me so happy. Dave and I are going on a little road trip next month to visit Mandy(you have to call her Miranda) and her husband and new little baby. I can't wait! And then after that, it is on to Gettysburg, where my history buff husband can tour battlefields to his hearts content. Anyway, I'm sure to get all kinds of fun photos to show you!!

Dave can have that old slow Coolpix - it's fine for taking pictures of fire panels and sprinkler heads. They don't move.

Call Me Chandler Bing

If you were a "Friends" fan then you can appreciate this. I was talking to Alison yesterday and complaining about how much I hate my job and it suddenly hit me. I am Chandler Bing. No one really knows what I do and I hate my job but I make really good money so I stay. The next thing that is going to happen is that I am going to be at work on a Friday night at 8 looking at my "weenus" and bitching about it (something I swore I'd never do).

If I get transferred to Tulsa - that's it.


I will write more about this later.

What a week

I so so so want to write about work on my blog. But I can't for fear of being "dooced".

But I will say this. I had to let an employee go this week. And it wasn't fun. And it messed me up for the whole week. But that's all I can say.

Then, yesterday afternoon, to top off an already stellar week, I got a scaulding hot cup of hot chocolate dumped on me. All down my totally white shirt, down my jeans and onto my adorable little cherry sneakers. And it was hot. And brown. It looked like someone had barfed on me.

I came home, took a hot shower, and read a book until my ever-loving but over worked husband came home and we ordered a pizza.

My house could use some cleaning, but I'm sitting her blogging instead. Does anybody see a problem with that? I didn't think so. I knew you were all my soul sisters.