Lessons from a Certified Control Freak

I'm a control freak. Those of you who know me are laughing right now and saying, "No Kidding." It's not a secret. I come from a long line of control freaks. It's hereditary. Or Nurture. Maybe both.

Anyway, there have been a few times in my life where my control freakiness has gotten out of hand because when I feel out of control, I tend to get anxious. I was single for a lot longer than I wanted to be and that made me anxious. I wasn't happy at work and that made me anxious. I married a man who had two kids and they live with us full time. That definitely made me anxious. Well, all this anxiousness was starting to get annoying so I had to come up with some way around it. I had to relax. So here is the conclusion I came to; You cannot control every single thing in your life. You just can't and if you try to, you are going to be crazy. And ANXIOUS. But guess what you can control? Your reaction to events. I don't have to let myself be anxious. I can choose to be calm.

I found yoga about 6 years ago for this very reason. It centers me. It grounds me. And it helps me to stop and breathe before I freak out about something stupid or something not so stupid. I would highly recommend trying it out if you haven't. I've never been a fan of exercise, but this is a practice I was born for.

Okay, so I'm kind of rambling. But the reason I've been thinking about all of this is because of recent events in my life and an e-mail I received last week.

Six months ago, my husband quit his job to do his own thing. (I can't go into detail on that for legal reasons) We discussed it before he did it and I was totally on board. I love and trust my husband. He's driven and I know that he will accept nothing short of success. And I support him 100%. But a funny thing happened to control freak me after he quit. It suddenly hit me that I was sole breadwinner for the family until he got his "thing" going. And suddenly I hated my job. And I mean hated with the passion of a thousand suns. It wasn't just that I felt trapped. It just so happened that his departure from Corporate America coincided with some very "corporate" changes that started happening at my office. We moved. I accepted a promotion. I had two new bosses in the span of 3 months. Control freak me was having trouble adjusting. And it showed to everyone. And then I received the following e-mail last week.


One of the best of Life’s laws!

THE LAW OF THE GARBAGE TRUCK

How often do you let other people’s nonsense change your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss or an insensitive employee ruin your day? Unless you’re the Terminator, for an instant you’re probably set back on your heels. However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly he/she can get back his or her focus on what’s truly important.

Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson. I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab. Here’s what happened: I hopped in a taxi and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded and missed the other car’s back end by just inches!

The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, HE WAS FRIENDLY. So, I said, “Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!” And this is when my taxi drive told me what I now call, “THE LAW OF THE GARBAGE TRUCK”.

Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And, if you let them, they’ll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump on you, don’t take it personally. You just smile, wave, wish them well and move on. You’ll be happy you did.

So this was it: “THE LAW OF THE GARBAGE TRUCK” I started thinking, how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me? And, how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, on the field, on the ice, on the streets? It was that day I said, “I’m not going to do it anymore.’ I began to see garbage trucks.

Like in the movie “The Sixth Sense,” the little boy said, “I see Dead People.” Well, now, “I see Garbage Trucks.” I see the load they’re carrying. I see them coming to drop their load off and, like my Taxi Driver, I don’t make it a personal thing. I just smile, wave, wish them well and move on.

One of my favorite football players of all time, Walter Payton, did this every day on the football field. He would jump up as quickly as he hit the ground after being tackled. He never dwelled on a hit, never retaliated. Payton was ready to make the next play his best. He did not take the hit personally; it was just part of the game he loved to play.

Good leaders know they have to be ready for their next meeting. Good athletes know they have to leave it on the field, and persevere. Good parents know that they have to welcome their children home from school with hugs and kisses. Leaders and parents know that they have to be fully present and at their best for the people they care about most.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let Garbage Trucks take over their day. What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more garbage trucks pass you by? Here’s my bet: you’ll be happier. Life’s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So….Love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don’t.

I realized that I had been letting outside forces influence me. The control freak was letting herself be controlled. It wasn't just nasty people that I was letting get to me; but nasty work. And my job is not my life. My job is not me. First and foremost I'm a wife, and a mother, and a daughter and a friend. Then somewhere down the list I'm an employee. And if I don't stay in control of my attitude, then everyone loses. Especially me.