Dear People on the Fringes of my Life

Dear Mail Carrier,

I appreciate your delivering of my mail every day (except Sundays and Holidays and while we are on the subject why do I have to work Presidents Day and MLK day when you do not?). And I also appreciate the fact that it is possible that some folks do not keep the area surrounding their mailbox in good shape. However, my mailbox is unblocked and there is nothing keeping you from pulling right up next to it. So, would it be possible that you not hurl my mail in such a way that it is thrust all the way to the far back of the mailbox? I drive a tiny Chevy Malibu and even though I have very long limbs, it is nearly impossible for me to reach the mail from my vehicle unless I hang halfway out the window and even then one piece of mail inevitably falls out of the stack and onto the ground where the wind picks it up and carries it halfway across the neighborhood. Thanks.

Dear Parent of other teenager in the Neighborhood,

When our kids have a verbal conflict, could you please pick up the phone and call me first to discuss before you call the State Police? I promise you that 99.9% of the time we will resolve the conflict on our own. I really don’t appreciate having a 7 foot tall police officer ringing my doorbell during dinner. Thanks.

Dear 4th grade Teacher,

I got your e-mail with the link to the United States 50 States quiz and I took it myself to see if I am smarter than a 4th grader. It turns out that I am not as I made silly mistakes like mixing up Arizona and New Mexico. I also could not remember where Iowa, New Hampshire, Connecticut and Massachusetts were (and I could not spell Massachusetts if my life depended on it). I promise you that I will keep studying and so will my 4th grader. We are a family eager to learn. Thanks.


Yours Truly,

Melanie

PS if any of you want to try out your United States States skills, click here.

Orlando didn't make the top 10?

Oh happy day. The sun is finally shining. My coffee even tasted better this morning and I find myself asking why anyone lives anywhere where the sun does not shine on a regular basis. This prompted me to Google the sunniest cities in the US. It turns out there are several websites that list this information, but none of them have the same list. However, there are a couple of cities that show up on all the lists and they are Phoenix, AZ; Las Vegas, NV; Yuma, AZ; and El Paso, TX.

So, I am checking out real estate in those cities. I am also throwing in Denver, CO just because I want to and because I travelled there on business several years ago and have been infatuated with the city ever since. Something about looking out the window and seeing a mountain made me pee my pants with pleasure and I have never been able to get the image out of my head.

I dream of just picking up and relocating. More than you know. However, the biggest things holding me back from that are that I married a man with kids whose mother, while basically uninterested in the daily events of her children’s lives, their physical well-being, or their financial well being (other than to buy them things that get her “points” such as cell phones, concert tickets and drum sets), would never consent to allowing us to take them out of the state, and our house is worth way less than we paid/owe on it. So in Michigan we stay. For now at least.

In other news, I would like to report publicly that after a 2ish year hiatus from yoga, I believe the time has come for me to return to the practice. I feel like my life has fallen out of balance. I am worrying too much about things over which I have no control. I am using sleeping pills too many nights. I am grumpy too many days. I don’t feel like I am growing spiritually and in fact, may have actually regressed. I spend money foolishly. And I am just not exercising enough. Blah, blah, blah. Less talk more action and that is all I am saying about that.

It is going to be beautiful in Michigan this weekend and I am looking forward to it. It has rained incessantly over the past three weekends so we are more than due for this. Wherever you are, I hope you also enjoy your weekend!

Roll on Four Wheeled Malibu

This is likely to be an aimless post, so I apologize in advance.

Tuesday I had a meeting in Columbus. That would be in Ohio. I live in Michigan (just in case that was not clear). I was not feeling up to the hotel stay this time so I had the very bright and ambitious idea that I would get up really early and drive to Columbus, attend the meeting and then drive home. Thus my trip did not require me to pack my make-up, my blow-dryer, my very expensive and prone to wrinkling business attire, two pairs of dress shoes, 6 pairs of underwear (because that is how many I take for one night), pajamas, two pairs of socks, my running shoes, my ipod, and the charger for my cell phone, my ipod, my gps and my vibrator.

I’m kidding about the vibrator. I was seeing if you are paying attention. My vibrator does not have a charger. It takes batteries.

Back to the meeting in Columbus. I got up at 3:30. Well, wait, lets back up. I woke up at 2 with a splitting headache, got up took some Advil, went back to sleep and then got up again at 3:30 and left my house at 4:20. The drive to Columbus is about 3 ½ hours, but with rush hour traffic in Columbus, it took me about 4. I was actually pretty impressed with myself as I was able to drink my entire travel mug of coffee and I never had to stop and pee.

So, I got there about 8. Did I mention it was pouring rain almost the entire drive? The meeting was from 9-4. I left Columbus at 4:20 and drove the 3 ½ hours home putting me home about 8:30 (I had to stop to grab some dinner, I was starving). I did pretty well with the help of a book on CD that I purchased at Barnes and Noble the day before and which I have only made it about halfway through but which I am enjoying immensely. The book is Eat, Pray, Love. I only made it to the beginning of Pray.

Yesterday I felt like I had been run over by a truck. Apparently I am not cut out for 17 hour days where I am sitting stationary for 95% of it. Or maybe just 17 hours days in general? I don’t know, but yesterday sucked. I was so cranky and I wanted to beat some ones ass. My husband and my step-son both got to be the lucky recipients of a verbal beating (not that maybe they did not deserve it, but usually I am more diplomatic).

Anyway, today it is back in the saddle. I wanted to post something profound, maybe some poetry which has been parading through my head the past couple days but which always manages to escape when I sit down to type it out.

Oh this oppressive rain. It won’t stop and I miss the sun. It is May 13 for crikey’s sake, shouldn’t the April showers have moved on their way by now? I have some really cute sandals that are begging to be worn.

In other news, Saturday will mark the 8 year anniversary of employment with my current company. My professional life is officially stagnant.

But I do get 3 weeks of vacation.

I had an incident at work today with some donuts. You see, they (the donuts) called my desk from the kitchen and told me that if I did not get in there and eat them ASAP, then there would be dire consequences. Well, I didn’t want anyone to get hurt so I immediately went in there and ate the donuts. Then I was so hopped up on the sugar that I came back to my desk and promptly dumped iced tea all over my keyboard. And then my computer freaked out and opened about 47 internet pages and I could not do a ctrl/alt/delete because my keyboard wouldn’t work (because of the iced tea I think) and I had to instead shut the computer down by holding down the power button.

All this because I had to eat a donut. I’m racked by guilt and remorse. You have to understand that I have not been eating much sugar the past few months (ya know since that bitch the Wii fit told me that I am 713lbs over weight) and even before that I really didn’t eat donuts. I don’t know what came over me today, but I am wracked with guilt.

(And this post is getting posted 3 hours after I started typing it because I had to go track down a new keyboard so mine can hopefully spend the weekend drying out and then will work again on Monday. Hopefully. Because this keyboard I am typing on now is not the fancy smancy split keyboard like I have and I can’t get used to a new keyboard all over again!)

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

In lieu of a margarita, I am, at this moment, enjoying my very first iced latte of the year. It’s getting that warm outside. Yay. And I am wearing open toed shoes and white pants.

Now if only I could somehow work in some palm trees, a 5 star resort and a pristine and sparkling swimming pool……

**Warning** if you have never seen the Lion King, this post contains spoilers. And, go watch it. Please.

Next time I go on a crazy rant like that, would someone please remind me how wine makes things so much better?!

I'm halfway through a bottle of merlot right now and it is making me h-a-p-p-y.

Becca is watching The Lion King right now. We were supposed to be watching The Princess and the Frog, but when we put it in to play, we discovered that the disc was cracked. So back to Netflix it is going, but I had to quickly offer up a different Disney movie. I wanted The Little Mermaid, but she picked The Lion King. I can live with that.

She's cute. She started crying when Mufasa died.

I don't know how you feel about Disney movies, but I myself am partial to what I refer to as the best four Disney movies ever made, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King and Aladdin. Oh yes.

Wow, this wine is really making me happy.

Simba just took his rightful place as King after killing the evil Scar. **Sigh**

Okay, I also wanted to mention that I do listen to Drew and Mike and I was so glad when Drew came back, however, sometimes when they really start talking about boobs or Butt Mike shows up or they are on commercial, I do flip over to Fox News.