I'm a Girl. I Cry.

Is this something to be ashamed of? My husband thinks that crying makes women weaker than men. I contend it makes us stronger. And it's a lot better than kicking something or punching something.

The problem is that I work in a very male dominated industry. In fact, every single one of my colleagues is male. There are women in our office also, but none in my department and none in my same job. So I try very hard to be tough like a man. You know, swear and yell and throw things when I'm mad instead of curling up in a ball and cry like I really want to. I'll tell you, I'm a pretty tough girl at work, but some days, I just want to cry!

Today was one of those days. The days I live in fear of. The day I am horrified as my throat starts to tighten and my eyes start to well up with tears and I make a mad dash to the bathroom or my car. I'm just having a stressful week. Things are always extremely busy in August and I just got maxed out. I was closer to the bathroom then my car when it happened (the same bathroom where the breast pumping goes on) and so I ducked in there. And then I was trapped. Because this was a particularly violent and long cry (probably because I was trying to keep it in for two days) and even after I calmed down, my eyes were bright red. They were so red it made me start crying again when I saw them a realized I was trapped in the bathroom.

But I cannot let my boss or my peers seem me with a bright red Christmas bulb nose and puffy, wet eyes. What would they think of me? They would know I am a girl and they might start treating me different. And they might think I'm using my sex to gain sympathy. And they might think I'm weak.

So I hid out in the bathroom for a half hour and then slunk back to my desk as fast as I could, hoping upon hope that I would not pass anyone on the way back. It was ridiculous.

Sigh. Sometimes I miss just being a girl. So I came home and found a spider and made Dave kill it for me!