I had an incident at work today with some donuts. You see, they (the donuts) called my desk from the kitchen and told me that if I did not get in there and eat them ASAP, then there would be dire consequences. Well, I didn’t want anyone to get hurt so I immediately went in there and ate the donuts. Then I was so hopped up on the sugar that I came back to my desk and promptly dumped iced tea all over my keyboard. And then my computer freaked out and opened about 47 internet pages and I could not do a ctrl/alt/delete because my keyboard wouldn’t work (because of the iced tea I think) and I had to instead shut the computer down by holding down the power button.

All this because I had to eat a donut. I’m racked by guilt and remorse. You have to understand that I have not been eating much sugar the past few months (ya know since that bitch the Wii fit told me that I am 713lbs over weight) and even before that I really didn’t eat donuts. I don’t know what came over me today, but I am wracked with guilt.

(And this post is getting posted 3 hours after I started typing it because I had to go track down a new keyboard so mine can hopefully spend the weekend drying out and then will work again on Monday. Hopefully. Because this keyboard I am typing on now is not the fancy smancy split keyboard like I have and I can’t get used to a new keyboard all over again!)

Postscript to the Lying Bitch

Dear LB,

Now that I have given it some thought, maybe you were right. Maybe I do need to lose 20lbs.

I'm going to miss food.

Christmas, Fruit Cake and All That Stuff

I put the tree up today. I was totally not feeling in the holiday spirit and I really didn't want to put the tree up, but with kids in the house, I feel that would be a terrible thing not to decorate the house. It didn't take me long to get into the spirit once I started unwrapping the ornaments.

Every year I buy each person in the family an ornament that symbolizes something about them. Also each year, we take the kids to Bronners in Frankenmuth and let them each pick out an ornament. These ornaments become property of the recipient and he or she gets to hang them on the tree each year. I figure by the time the kids are out of high school I will have to have a much bigger tree or two trees!

Today I was smiling and remembering the stories attached to each ornament. Where did I buy it, what does it mean, etc....

With all the Christmas memories I started thinking about fruit cake and my grandma (my mom's mom). She used to bake, a lot. And fruit cake was one of her specialties. So if you've ever made fruitcake, you know that the candied fruit that is the main ingredient, is pretty expensive. Well, when my grandma passed away my mom got all of her recipes and when she sorted through them she found 6 or 7 different recipes for my grandma's fruitcake. Each one progressively called for more fruit until the last recipe that was almost all fruit. Apparently as she got more money, she would increase the amount of fruit.

I find that story so charming and I was thinking about it today so I thought I share it with all of you. What Christmas memories are you thinking about while you unwrap your decorations?

In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning

Okay, it isn't technically the "wee small hours", it is 10 am, but it's Saturday and it is wee small enough for me.

Dave is in the basement running on the treadmill, the kids are at their mom's house and I am sitting in the living room with my laptop and a cup of coffee and near total silence.

It is bliss.

I was supposed to be in NJ this weekend visiting my lifelong pal and soaking up some much needed baby love, but I'm trying not to think about that.

We did the Asian food last night and it was somewhat of a disappointment. I don't really have much to say about it except for one tiny tidbit. We both ordered soup. I ordered hot and sour and Dave ordered miso (sick, I hate miso). When the waitress came with our spring rolls she only brought my hot and sour and then bolted before we even had a chance to say anything. We got her attention a minute later and I said, "he ordered miso" and she looked at me for a second and then said, "Yeah, I know" and walked away again. It wasn't like a snotty "I know" it was bizarre. So she came back a couple minutes later with his miso. It was very twilight zone-y.

(Val, the pad thai was not as good as my West Bloomfield restaurant. I still need to get over there.)

So that was that.

I love the weekend.

Why do I bother?

So tonight I made the sesame noodles from Pioneer Woman's website. They sounded so good - in fact I wanted to make them last night but Meijer was out of green onions so I waited for tonight.

Yuk. So not good. So not what I was anticipating. Just.not.good. Plus I bought the chili oil, the rice vinegar and the sesame oil just for this recipe. So that is $10 bucks down the drain and lets be honest, all those ingredients will just sit in my pantry for years and I will probably never use them again.

Anyway, the kids were kind and ate the noodles and said they were good, but I think they were just being polite.

I blame this all on the fact that there is no good Thai restaurants anywhere near my house or my office and it is making me think about and crave noodles all the time. So now I have eaten and should be full but I want to graze for something enjoyable.

Two dinners, not on my diet!

Bacon Cupcakes

Last night I successfully gained control of the TV clicker and got to watch a few precious minutes of the Food Network (which if I did not work I'm sure I would watch all day long but that is another story!). So I was watching Unwrapped and Dave was reading a book (Learned Optimism - great book if you are looking to improve your outlook on life). So guess what the guy from Double Dare was talking about on Unwrapped last night? Bacon. And Dave loves him some bacon. Did you know there is a Bacon of the Month club? Oh yes, there is.

And guess who now wants to join it?

Have you ever cut a piece of cheese off the block, ate it, gone back for another slice and realized the block has mold on it?

This is another reason of why we ate out every day last week.

Another Customer Service Rant

Okay, first of all I have been eating soooo bad the past week or so. Let's just establish that before I go any further in this post. I have to admit that other than last night, my family has eaten out every night this week. I'm ashamed to admit it but it's true. I blame winter and let's just leave it at that.

Now, on to my rant.

I left the relative warmth of my office today to run up to Arby's and grab some grub. It is one of the few places around here that has a drive through and while fast food is not at the top of my list, probably because of all the other crap I've been eating this week that is full of high fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated shortening that makes you crave more junk food, sounded good. So I go to the drive through and order a beef 'n cheddar, get my order and come back to the office.

I just down at my desk with my sandwich, my space heater is blaring and my toes are starting to warm back up and I just opened the sandwich.

It was made with two butt pieces of the bun. You know how the beef 'n cheddar comes on a nice fat onion bun? Not this one. It's two butt pieces with not one piece of onion on it. Then when I took it apart the roast beef is crusty. Like either it sat out under the heat lamp for 3 days or it was the butt end of the roast beef. And, on top of that, it smells kind of gross. I'm so grossed out right now that I want to take the sandwich back to Arby's and bitch them out. I mean really, what would posses a person to make a sandwich with two butt pieces of bread? But, I'm torn, because it's freezing outside, and it's 12:30 which means there will be 1,000 peeps in line and it's freezing outside.

So the sandwich is sitting here in the bag on my desk. And I'm not sure what to do with it.