Postscript to the Lying Bitch

Dear LB,

Now that I have given it some thought, maybe you were right. Maybe I do need to lose 20lbs.

I'm going to miss food.

The Wii Fit or as I like to call it, Lying Bitch

First of all, why does the Wii fit voice sound like a Teletubby?

Second of all the Wii fit told me that my true age is 45 and that my ideal weight is 20lbs less than I currently weigh. Ya’ll, I am not a skinny minnie, but 20lbs seems like a lot for me. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to shed 20lbs, but I don’t know if that is really all that realistic. I mean, I am almost 5’8” so I’m not light, but this hurt my ego a little. So to the Wii fit teletubby, I say,

Bite me, you lying bitch.

Thirdly, how the frick does it calculate your BMI and is that really accurate? Does it not need to take into account things like muscle mass and your frame size?

I am not happy with the Wii fit right now and the yoga option seemed lame. Do I really have to pick one pose at a time? Am I missing something with this contraption? Dave is a little annoyed with me because he bought it for me for Christmas and I just finally broke it out of the box this weekend and now even if I hate it and will never use it, it is too late to take it back.

Oops.

Insert Rocky Theme Song Here

I went jogging today.

It's true. The thing I have been avoiding my entire life, I did voluntarily today.

Perhaps I should explain. Something else I have been avoiding my entire life is stepping on the scale. I am the woman who stands on the scale backwards at the doctor or closes my eyes so that I can avoid knowing exactly what I weigh. I have been vaguely aware of my weight over the years so when I got a wild hair up my ass and stepped on the scale today, it told me that I have gained somewhere in the vicinity of 20-25 lbs in the last 5 1/2 years.

I find this totally unacceptable. And if I keep it up, I'm going to have to buy an entirely new wardrobe for work and frankly, I'm sick of buying career clothes. I learned sometime ago that if you go to J Crew or Banana Republic, or The Limited and buy some expensive but classic pieces (ie black slacks and blazer, gray slacks and blazer, brown slacks and blazer, and three skirts) you are set because they last forever and you can then buy blouses and sweaters as needed.

Also, about 6 1/2 years ago I went through some terrible times and lost a ton of weight (not on purpose) and had to buy a new wardrobe. Those clothes wouldn't even fit my left leg now and when I got back to my "normal" weight, I had to go buy a bunch more clothes. I'm sick of buying new wardrobes. I don't want to be like Luther Vandross.

The problem is that my shirts are getting tight. I pulled a couple of sweaters out of the under the bed sweater box and there is no way I can get away with wearing them. My boobs are getting way bigger than they should be and lets face it - a tight sweater on a fat chick isn't sexy. It's gross.

My husband has been on a beer binge for the last year and his waistline has also been expanding. He likes to run, the freak. And he took me out today and bought me some very nice running attire which cost an arm and a leg but keeps the wind and cold away, so how could I deny him.

I went 1 1/2 miles. It was hell. But I'm going to try and keep to it. That's why I'm putting this out for everyone to see. So then in two weeks when I haven't done it since this post and someone asks me how the running is going. I can first feel like a lazy loser and then I can lie and say it's going splendidly.